random thought

the different between "getting over" and "moving past" something.

"getting over" implies no lingering issues or problems, as if it could be removed or replaced in the past without it really changing how you feel today. it is wholely resolved and the emotions laid to rest.

"moving past" indicates that recognition of it is still there somewhere, that you have reconciled it with how you feel now, in a "forgiven not forgotten" way, or "lesson learned".

it seems as if there is an expectation that adults should "get over" just about any difficult situation, and not to implies a level of immaturity or inability to handle things. that there is pressure to be so evenly keeled that you can take everything in stride, or have momentary setbacks but get right back walking again after a moment.

i think there is a place in life for "moving past". that expecting yourself to be completely "over" something might not ever happen, nor should it, and only causes discord within you while you are trying to.

there are some things that should stay in your memory, that you are able to live without any negative feelings now but yet stand as a reminder.

some things i have "gotten over": guilt about not achieving personal goals, criticism about my abilities, unintentional and intentional slights, feeling responsible for something i had no control over.

some things i can "move past": death of a close loved one, betrayal of a trusted friend, regret for hurting someone i care about.

yes, i still carry those things with me, and it isn't due to an inability to cope, or an immaturity for still thinking on the past and holding grievances. they are things that i don't want to forget for real reasons, either because i know not to do that thing in the future, or because i have learned the true nature of a person and know not to place my trust in them again, or because to have it mean nothing would do a discredit to how much it or they had meant before.

i felt for a long time an expectation, at times projected from myself, at times actually coming from others, that how i feel about things should... just stop. that even though this person hurt me, i shouldn't feel hurt. that when a situation upset me, i should just stop being upset about it.

that, to me, is the "just get over it" part. and yeah, i shouldn't be so sensitive, or contemplative, or begrudging. i know those are my faults, and there are some things that shouldn't, or won't even be a memory down the road. and there are some things, some people, some places in life, that mean so much to me, that i won't forget, or get over.

so i need to know the difference, and be able to let the "get over" things go, and not beat myself up over the "move past" ones.

i guess in short, i need to get over moving past things.