about art

this is an excerpt from something i emailed, and i want to save it and come back to it later to think through.

on experimental art. Mine isn't as "experimental" in the sense that you mean it, really pushing limits and expectations of abstract thought, because really everything that I do is at a fairly basic level, but it is in the sense that I personally don't know what will happen, and I like combining processes to see what will happen. I am passionate about community, and for me, feeling something that I make is successful definitely has a component of use or value to other people. That makes it hurt more if something that I love isn't appreciated by others, but it also makes it that much more of a boost when I know something that I made is being used by someone else. I feel a sense of connection through it, and it makes me feel more alive. Not that I go out and try to make things that will be mass-consumed, by any means. Quite the opposite, I reject that on a fundamental character level. Which is why I am not very successful yet. I want to make things that speak to people on a community level, but I cannot sit and just mindlessly manufacture things that appeal to mass consumers. I have friends who do that, and are way more successful, but there is absolutely no art in it at all, or what tiny bit they bring to it quickly becomes diluted in the sheer number of replications they make from it.

For example, I created a series of Columbus skyline images that took many many hours, and I love them because I love Columbus and I believe in community and civic pride. And introducing them to people at shows was a high unlike I can describe last year. But now that it is created, all I have to do is order more prints of the same images, and I've totally lost my appreciation for the experience. So I tend to drop those projects, even though they could be way more successful and I could still grow them. That's just an example.

At the moment, I feel very drained from life, and can't remember what it is that I was aspiring to. I know that there was something. And I could see it very clearly. And it was exciting and achievable and meaningful to me. But I go through spots where my mind gets cloudy and I forget, and then I get off track, and by the time I remember, it's too late, or doesn't seem as good an idea, or achievable, or like it will actually make me happy. That's where I am now.