AJ started radiation for the blockage causing his seizures this week, but he had a bad reaction to it. They stopped, and he went home today. He will be on hospice care until he passes. My sister (an oncologist) doesn't expect him to live more than a few days.
We're expecting to attend his memorial service next weekend.
How is it possible to have this in your head? Knowing, expecting death, but unable to grieve? Feeling the wrongness in 'expecting' death, feeling that by expecting it you are somehow contributing to it? Afraid to give up hope even yet. Already missing someone who isn't gone. I don't know how, I don't know how to deal or what is right to think or feel.
Also we received news today that our Uncle Paul, who was our grandfathers brother and who filled the role of Grandpa for the past 10 years, also has cancer, and is not expected to live more than 6 months.
My head is swirling.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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all my love janny. i don't have the words but i have all the support you need.
ReplyDeleteOh Jan, I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for your family. I'll be thinking about you and saying lots of prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, Janny. I will be praying fo your family and for your strength and peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very, very sorry, Jan. I will say prayers for you and your family that you find peace through all of this. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteim so sorry janny
ReplyDeleteif you need me you know how to find me
:( I am so sorry Jan.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jan, I am so very sorry for you and your family. I can't imagine the depth of grief you're experiencing right now. You have been and will continue to be in my thoughts. :hug :kiss
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Jan...I'm not sure who AJ is but he obviously means the world to you. My thoughts and prayers to his family...and yours.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry Jan. I am thinking about you. If you need anything let me know.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeletelots and lots and lots of hugs chica.
ReplyDelete